i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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