So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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