doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Acid is not a monday night drug
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
