Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
