i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
