at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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