if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
