in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
