how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
