wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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