I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
