I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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