i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
