dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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