Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
