my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize