Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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