he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
