did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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