Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
