yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
