I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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