something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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