I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize