Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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