I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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