Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
