We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
