Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I had to cum in my sink.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
