im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
