a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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