He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
