I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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