alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
