Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
