I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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