ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize