my shit smells like andre
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
