I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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