The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
