I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did I show you my penis last night?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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