Midget sex pt 2 tonight
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
