I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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