They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have already put on my inside pants.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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