HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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