i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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