google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
