i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
