No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
