Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize