I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
