The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
