I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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