now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
