guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
