physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
