Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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