I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
