Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
