Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
