i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
