are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
