I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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