sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
