when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think my vagina is haunted
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
