Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
