I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize