you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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