So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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