im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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