She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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