pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
