absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
