So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
