4 words: hood of his car
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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