turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
