I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
