my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
