the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
