Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
