Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
