new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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