the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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