so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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