just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
