We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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