It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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