You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
