4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
