I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
