He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
