Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
