wanna go halves on a baby?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize